18 Jan 2010

My daughter came home from kindergarten saying she needed to bring a T-shirt to school. Her teacher was going to iron an antidrug message onto it. Unable to find a blank one, my husband sent her off with a T-shirt that already had something lettered across the front. That afternoon, my daughter showed off her new T-shirt. One side read, "Families Are Forever." And the other side, "Be smart, Don't Start."


A couple is lying in bed one night when when the woman turns to the man, smiles and says, "I'm going to make you the happiest man in the world."
The man replies, "I'll miss you."


The pharmacist arrives at work to find a frightened-looking man against the wall.
"What's wrong with him?" the pharmacist asks his clerk.
"He wanted cough medicine, but i couldn't find any, so i gave him a laxative."
"Laxatives won't cure a cough," yells the owner.
"Sure they will. Look at him. He's afraid to cough."


Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where a grizzled old-timer is having breakfast.
One of the biker extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy's pancakes. The second bikers spit a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffe. The third biker dumps the whole plate on the floor.
Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves.
"Not much of a man was he?" says one of the bikers.
"Not much of a driver either," says the waitress. "He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."


A woman goes to the drugstore and asks for arsenic.
"What do yo want that for?" the pharmacist ask.
"I want to kill my husband," she replies. "He's having affair with another woman."
"I can't sell you arsenic to kill your husband," says the pharmacist, "even if he is cheating."
The woman pulls out a picture of her husband with the pharmacist wife. The druggist turns pale and replies, "Oh, I didn't realize you had a prescription."